so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
