I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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