I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize