Please, let me fuck your mom
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
