Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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