He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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