so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
