I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize