would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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