Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
