I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
