I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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