dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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