My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize