One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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