i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
is this the sara with the beer cane?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
