4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
