so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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