Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
