My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
