This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
