I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
