Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
