PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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