I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
honey bunches of taint.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She told me I should be a condom model.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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