She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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