If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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