Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
