I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Someone shattered a urinal.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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