Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
