i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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