Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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