It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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