she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
