I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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