whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
