If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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