All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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