how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
