i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
