I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
