apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
