Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize