Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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