I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
