and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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