6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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