Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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