I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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