so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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