??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
