she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
