Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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