WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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