why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize