I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
