I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
