Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
