i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
