If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
