I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just found a bag of teeth...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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