i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
