If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
