drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
