The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
