i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
