first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
