Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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